Is That Really a Thing?!

For my very first "Is That Really a Thing?!" weekly segment, I wanted to to really start off with a bang. If you don't appreciate third-grade level humor, you might want to stop reading right now.

This is a product I just discovered via the magical portal known as the internet. It appears that "they" really have thought of everything, up to and including - yes, this is for real - flatulence absorbing pads. They are small pads of activated carbon, covered with soft fabric, that adhere to the inside of your undies. Where do I even begin?!

Let's start with the product name: Subtle Butt. I assume this is intended as a play on the word "scuttlebutt," but I really don't get it. I think that with a product like this, they should have gone all out with a giggle-inspiring name that simultaneously acknowledges the awkwardness and usefulness of the pads. I'm thinking of something like, "Toot Terminator," "Fart Annihilator," or perhaps something more catchy, yet subtle, such as, "Bombs Away."

Also, I'd really like to know who is actually purchasing this product. I have never seen it in stores and I don't know of one single person who would ever admit to using these Toot-sies. Would it be acceptable to give them as a gift to someone? What would you do if your mom included this as one of your stocking stuffers?

I would love to have been a fly on the wall at this product's first development meeting.

Person 1: "Okay guys, it's time to roll out a new product. Let's put our brains together... what is a need that our customers have that hasn't been addressed?"
Person 2: "What is that smell? Did someone have boiled eggs for breakfast?"
Persons 3, 4, and 5: "Awww man!" "That is wrong!" "You should have left the room!"
Person 1: "Oh my gosh. Oh. My. Gosh. This is it! This will be my masterpiece... I've got it! We shall create... a flatulence-absorbing pad. We really can change the world!"

It probably went nothing like that, but I just can't imagine being the guy who invented the Fart Pad. What would you even say? It could even result in a nickname that sticks until death. To preserve the integrity of this segment, I won't go into names that I would call someone who invented this product, but you get the idea.

So, is the Subtle Butt Flatulence-Absorbing Pad really a thing?

Amazingly, yes.