How to Give a Speech without Wetting Your Pants!

Advice King in today's OSU O'Colly (reprinted from website; original article here)


Dear Advice King,


I hate public speaking. I’m not good at it and simply don’t enjoy it. I have to give a speech for one of my classes, and I’m freaking out. How can I stop my armpits from sweating and my voice from cracking so I can give the best presentation possible?— Sweaty speech-giver




Dear Sweaty,

Step number one: Breathe with me. In, two, three… out, two, three. Repeat a few times, using slow, expansive, deep breaths. No, we aren’t meditating; we are trying to trick the hypothalamus into calming the nervous system’s “fight or flight” response to stress.

What you call “freaking out” is actually a physiological reaction to any stimulation — internal or external — that we perceive as threatening.

The best way to combat this phenomenon is by changing your circumstances, which usually involves exiting the situation and finding a new environment. However, since this speech is a requirement in your class, you’ll need to rely on changing your attitude toward the circumstances by actively and consciously choosing a different thought.

Example: Instead of thinking, “I can’t do this, these people think I’m an idiot,” decide instead that, “Everyone totally understands how nerve-racking public speaking is, so we share a bond. This really isn’t a big deal.”

When you feel your heart start racing and the adrenaline coursing through your veins, force yourself to breathe slowly and deeply — in through the nose, out through pursed lips as if blowing out a candle — at least 10 times.

This breathing technique forces the heart rate to slow, which then allows you access to your rational mind that you initially bypass by the “fight or flight” response.

Importantly, remember this: you can’t just ignore your nervousness and put it out of your mind, as this will actually cause you to fixate on it and make it worse.

Watch what happens when I say, “Whatever you do, do NOT think about nude beaches!”

What are you thinking about now? Probably a guy with an uncanny resemblance to Sasquatch, splashing around in his birthday suit.

You have to actively choose a better thought and focus on it.

If we break it down to its core as a scientific process and realize our fear and nervousness are simply chemical reactions, those feelings become less mysterious and intimidating.

There are plenty of other ways to improve your public speaking prowess.

Most importantly, know your subject matter inside and out. Befriend your topic; really get to know it. The closer you two become, the more likely your topic will be to comfort, support and encourage you when you’re a friend in need — i.e., when you’ve forgotten what to say.

Also, obviously, but I’ll say it anyway, be likeable. If you really aren’t a friendly or approachable person by nature, fake it.

Smile at your audience and engage them by using eye contact. You’d be amazed at what you can get away with by wearing a big, genuine smile and adding in a small, believable amount of charm. But not too much — we aren’t selling used cars.

Realize that you might mess up or fumble some words. It happens to us all at some point.

The magic is in how you proceed after an embarrassing mishap. Don’t just stand there mumbling, “Um… uh…” Embrace it and use it as an opportunity to connect with your audience.

Laughing it off and saying something like, “Sorry folks, I’m not much of a public speaker, which is why I usually stick to [accounting, engineering, underwater basket weaving, etc.],” will instantly humanize you and might even get a few laughs.

Finally, practice. Practice doesn’t necessarily make you perfect, but it certainly enables you to be comfortable enough with the material to find your way back to your buddy, the topic, should you get lost along the way.
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Send Jess your questions on Twitter @advicefromjess or by e-mail to jess.king@okstate.edu.

The F Word (and Not the One You're Thinking!)

For those of you who don't know this, I write a bi-weekly advice column in the O'Colly, which is Oklahoma State University's newspaper. I try to read the paper most days, mainly to see what the other staffers in the Opinion/Editorial section are up to.

Yesterday, my editor, James Cooper, wrote a piece called, "UFC Makes Me a Man," that questions such things as the current validity of traditional ideas of masculinity, along with the appropriateness of the use of the word, "faggot." I was so galvanized by his article that I felt compelled to voice my own opinions about it.

So, let's first examine this question of what makes a man a "real" man - other than the glaringly obvious anatomical distinctions.

In my opinion, a real man is strong, humble, truthful, and courageous. Delving a bit further into these characteristics, as I define them for the purposes of this discussion, we see that by "strong," I mean able to handle his life and all of the business that makes it run smoothly, able to stand on his own without the need of approval from others, and capable of showing compassion and generosity without fear that he will be perceived as "womanly."

When I say "humble," I speak of a quality characterized by the realization that you are not the only person on Earth. To me, "humble" means that you respect others, you respect yourself, and you try to do the right things. You understand that the world is a big place, and you are part of the big picture; therefore, your needs can't always come before everyone else's (although sometimes, they can and should).

"Truthful" is pretty self-explanatory. A real man tells the truth. We are all guilty of telling "little white lies" here and there, but the essence of being truthful is this: You decide who you are by being completely honest with yourself about your needs, motives, and traits, you be who you are no matter who is around, and you do these things even at the risk of making someone uncomfortable.

"Courageous" goes hand-in-hand with "truthful." A real man has enough courage to be true to himself, without regard for the attempts of others to shame him. I felt that James's column was truly courageous, because he makes no apologies for who he is (a young, gay man) even though he is acutely aware of the prejudices that are held by many around him.

Did you notice anything about the attributes of a "real" man that I have described? If you were paying attention, you probably noticed that each of those characteristics are applicable to women, also. There is a reason for that: Masculinity and femininity are both subjective and relative to a person's own experiences, attitudes, and perceptions; they aren't measurable items that correspond to predetermined standards.

For example, my husband is a stay-at-home dad. Since raising children and taking care of a home are part of the gender role that has traditionally been assigned to women, some people might view this arrangement as immasculating. However, the devotion Wes has to our daughter and the patience, compassion, and skill with which he handles her every single day serve to remind me regularly what a wonderful man (a "real" one!) he is. I would argue that his job is far more important than mine, even though mine garners a paycheck.

I know plenty of women who are really into sports. Does that make them less womanly? What about if a woman doesn't wear makeup? What if she hates cooking, asks for a promotion, or aggressively closes the sale?

Now let's talk about this "faggot" business. I actually got a little uncomfortable just now when I typed that word; that's how much I loathe it. In fact I think from here on out, I'm just going to refer to it as "the word." With a long history as a slur intended to direct hatred and disgust toward homosexuals, this one ranks right up there with the N-word (which, similarly, channels hatred toward a very specific group of people) in my mind. The word makes me cringe, no matter in what context it is used.

Whether a person is gay, straight, or undecided is of no consequence when I hear the word come out of his/her mouth. Seriously, playfully, hatefully, or otherwise, it is so loaded with hate and charged with negative energy that I just can't abide it. Another one I find extremely offensive: "Fag Hag." This one is used to describe close women-friends of gay men.

What if someone called your mother or father the word? What if it was your child? Best friend? Regardless of your views about homosexuality, surely you wouldn't tolerate this kind of treatment of your loved ones. As James so poignantly pointed out in his piece, even though many people ground their opposition to homosexuality in the Bible, it's difficult to believe that Jesus would ride around in his truck screaming, "Faggot!" to anyone he considered too effeminate. Spot-on, James. Couldn't have said it better myself.

It is a free country, and we do have an amendment that protects people's rights to say this word or any other of their choosing. However, I have the right to say that I don't like it. And that, folks, is the beauty of America.

Is That Really a Thing?!

How Brushing Your Teeth Can Make You Fat

Thank goodness for the advances in technology that make our lives easier and more manageable!

Where would we be without such creations as cell phones, personal computers, and automatic transmission? And what if no one had ever developed a motor for lawn mowers? I don't even want to think about a world without washers, dryers, and microwaves.

Recently, a new invention has been introduced that is sure to revolutionize personal hygiene as we know it. I have three words for you: Touch. And. Brush.

The Touch 'N Brush is a plastic apparatus that is mounted on your bathroom mirror with two suction cups. A tube of toothpaste is placed inside two plastic clamps, which are then covered with a white plastic shell. Once it's assembled, the magic begins.

Here's how you use this device:
1. Hold your toothbrush under the dispenser opening
2. Apply gentle pressure, which will release the perfect amount of toothpaste onto your toothbrush.
3. Brush your teeth with amazement.

How did I ever get through my morning and evening routines without this? I mean, this thing saves me at least three seconds. It might not sound like much, but that adds up to 36 1/2 minutes per year!

Okay, reality check. Seriously guys? An automatic toothbrush dispenser? In the words of Ron Burgundy, "That's actually amazing. I'm not even mad." Since when were opening a tube of toothpaste and squeezing some out on a toothbrush considered so cumbersome that the ritual necessitated the invention of something to streamline the process? Brushing your teeth is already a streamlined process... I mean, you open the cap, squeeze some out, and off you go, right? Right?

If you want to know why obesity has reached, according to the World Health Organization, "epidemic proportions," let inventions like this serve as a cautionary tale for how lazy we are actually becoming. I know you don't burn calories squeezing out toothpaste the old-fashioned way, but that's not the point. The underlying issue is that people are so activity-averse now that even opening a toothpaste cap is just, well, too much.

What's next, an invention that wipes behinds? Sure, I'm kidding, but I'd put money on the chance that someone was once kidding when they said, "What's next, an automatic toothpaste dispenser? Pshhh, that'll never happen. Surely people aren't that lazy."